Thanks to that wondrous editorial system common to all newspaper offices, by the time you read the following 550 words there shouldn't be a typo among them. But were it not for that system, my sentences might look something like this: cbfn jr wyuve nlkdugb.
This is not my fault; it is the fault, principally, of my revoltingly long fingernails and, secondly, of my friend Lucy.
Several months ago, Lucy took it upon herself to introduce me to the concept of gel manicures. "They're brilliant, darling," she said.
And indeed they are, in many ways. They are a beefier alternative to those brisk, 30-minute shape-and-polish affairs touted in nail salons across the land.
Known elsewhere as the "everlasting manicure", the gel process takes approximately an hour, involves placing your hands under a UV light at various intervals and, alarmingly, often sees the person administering the gel pull on an H1N1-type mask (the smell is not at all fragrant). The result, however, is a set of nails covered in a shiny gel polish that does not chip, crack or move at all. In fact, so indestructible is the gel that you should return to the salon when you wish to have it removed to avoid ripping off the poor nails.
In theory, wonderful. You can pretend to be a glossy, high-maintenance Jackie Collins heroine who spends her days sunbathing and flitting from nail appointment to lunch to facialist. You don't have to worry about smudging your colour mere seconds after departing from the salon and you can leave it for weeks without a care.
Except that is what I have lazily done, and now my nails have grown into long, vulgar talons. Perhaps I shall turn into that Indian man from my brother's Guinness World Records, whose nails grew so long that veins started pushing their way up them. I could whip my hands out at parties and claim them as my trick.
But what a nuisance long nails are. In their natural state they were always flaking and dropping off. Now I cannot type properly without hitting erroneous keys, wash my hair without slashing my scalp or even pick my nose.
I wore tights last week and laddered them before even getting into the office. And was the BlackBerry made for people with elfish hands? I have not been able to tap out a message on mine for weeks now, so disabled am I by these claws.
When I was a teenager, a rumour went round my school that anyone who grew her nails to one centimetre could clip them off and give them to the Body Shop in return for £1 a nail (Dh6). In its laboratories, little pieces of nail (instead of animals, you see) would be used for trying out fruity bath products.
Needless to say, none of us managed it, and yet what a bounty I could offer them now .
But in the unlikely event that the Body Shop is (or ever was) making such an offer, I shall this week soldier back to the salon. It is time, finally, for a cut-off job. Let's just hope those veins haven't quite made it yet, eh?
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Zayed Sustainability Prize
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
Afghanistan fixtures
- v Australia, today
- v Sri Lanka, Tuesday
- v New Zealand, Saturday,
- v South Africa, June 15
- v England, June 18
- v India, June 22
- v Bangladesh, June 24
- v Pakistan, June 29
- v West Indies, July 4
Company%20Profile
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Ain Dubai in numbers
126: The length in metres of the legs supporting the structure
1 football pitch: The length of each permanent spoke is longer than a professional soccer pitch
16 A380 Airbuses: The equivalent weight of the wheel rim.
9,000 tonnes: The amount of steel used to construct the project.
5 tonnes: The weight of each permanent spoke that is holding the wheel rim in place
192: The amount of cable wires used to create the wheel. They measure a distance of 2,4000km in total, the equivalent of the distance between Dubai and Cairo.
'Munich: The Edge of War'
Director: Christian Schwochow
Starring: George MacKay, Jannis Niewohner, Jeremy Irons
Rating: 3/5
MOUNTAINHEAD REVIEW
Starring: Ramy Youssef, Steve Carell, Jason Schwartzman
Director: Jesse Armstrong
Rating: 3.5/5
Haemoglobin disorders explained
Thalassaemia is part of a family of genetic conditions affecting the blood known as haemoglobin disorders.
Haemoglobin is a substance in the red blood cells that carries oxygen and a lack of it triggers anemia, leaving patients very weak, short of breath and pale.
The most severe type of the condition is typically inherited when both parents are carriers. Those patients often require regular blood transfusions - about 450 of the UAE's 2,000 thalassaemia patients - though frequent transfusions can lead to too much iron in the body and heart and liver problems.
The condition mainly affects people of Mediterranean, South Asian, South-East Asian and Middle Eastern origin. Saudi Arabia recorded 45,892 cases of carriers between 2004 and 2014.
A World Health Organisation study estimated that globally there are at least 950,000 'new carrier couples' every year and annually there are 1.33 million at-risk pregnancies.
MATCH INFO
Euro 2020 qualifier
Norway v Spain, Saturday, 10.45pm, UAE
SCHEDULE
Thursday, December 6
08.00-15.00 Technical scrutineering
15.00-17.00 Extra free practice
Friday, December 7
09.10-09.30 F4 free practice
09.40-10.00 F4 time trials
10.15-11.15 F1 free practice
14.00 F4 race 1
15.30 BRM F1 qualifying
Saturday, December 8
09.10-09.30 F4 free practice
09.40-10.00 F4 time trials
10.15-11.15 F1 free practice
14.00 F4 race 2
15.30 Grand Prix of Abu Dhabi
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Napoleon
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Essentials
The flights
Etihad and Emirates fly direct from the UAE to Delhi from about Dh950 return including taxes.
The hotels
Double rooms at Tijara Fort-Palace cost from 6,670 rupees (Dh377), including breakfast.
Doubles at Fort Bishangarh cost from 29,030 rupees (Dh1,641), including breakfast. Doubles at Narendra Bhawan cost from 15,360 rupees (Dh869). Doubles at Chanoud Garh cost from 19,840 rupees (Dh1,122), full board. Doubles at Fort Begu cost from 10,000 rupees (Dh565), including breakfast.
The tours
Amar Grover travelled with Wild Frontiers. A tailor-made, nine-day itinerary via New Delhi, with one night in Tijara and two nights in each of the remaining properties, including car/driver, costs from £1,445 (Dh6,968) per person.
UK's plans to cut net migration
Under the UK government’s proposals, migrants will have to spend 10 years in the UK before being able to apply for citizenship.
Skilled worker visas will require a university degree, and there will be tighter restrictions on recruitment for jobs with skills shortages.
But what are described as "high-contributing" individuals such as doctors and nurses could be fast-tracked through the system.
Language requirements will be increased for all immigration routes to ensure a higher level of English.
Rules will also be laid out for adult dependants, meaning they will have to demonstrate a basic understanding of the language.
The plans also call for stricter tests for colleges and universities offering places to foreign students and a reduction in the time graduates can remain in the UK after their studies from two years to 18 months.
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
